Tremendum et fascinosum

Our congregation had a discussion about the Advent Conspiracy the other day. The general idea is that the Church should move away from the consumerism that hides the true meaning of Christmas. Our congregation, faithful Episcopalians, adherents to high, high worship, focused the discussion on the shopping mall’s early advertisement of the season, and were very upset that so few people understood that Christmas does not begin until December 25, lasting 12 days (as it strictly states somewhere, I am sure). This, they proclaimed, is when we should do all our decorating and celebrating. But, as I see it, this is just another way we lose the ‘true meaning’ of Christmas. To return to a spiritual celebration of G-d With Us would, in my mind, imply that we not only leave the falsity that consumerism creates, but that we would also acknowledge our tendency to create meaning through Church calendars and the codification of beliefs; a tremendum et fascinosum that bows to ceremony rather than the mystery and presence of G-d in our daily lives.

Dreaming of Dolphins

I have awoken frustrated the past few mornings. I sorely crave direction in my life, and hoped to find some guidance through my dreams. I awake, certain I have had a complex dream, with foggy memories of very symbolic figures, but am unable to piece them together.

Last night, I had a simple dream. I was swimming back and forth between two shores. I was trying to split my time between the very contrasting banks. I was nervous, because I hate the feeling of powerlessness in the ocean's waves.

Then, I noticed I was swimming with dolphins. Sometimes I rode them, sometimes they swam alongside me, as I shuttled back and forth between the beaches. I was comforted and invigorated.

According to my trusty DreamMoods.Com:

Dolphins

To see a dolphin in your dream, symbolizes spiritual guidance, intellect, mental attributes and emotional trust. The dream is usually an inspirational one, encouraging you to utilize your mind to its capacity and move upward in life. Alternatively, it suggests that a line of communication has been established between the conscious and unconscious aspects of yourself. Dolphins represent your willingness and ability to explore and navigate through your emotions.

To dream that you are riding a dolphin, represents your optimism and social altruism.

If only, DreamMoods.com, if only!

Simple Gifts

Simple Gifts:

Yo Yo Ma and Alison Krauss

Beautiful

Wabi-Sabi

As I emerge from the heavy rock that is grad school, (12-hour days, eating on the run, reading report after report of child abuse, constantly being graded, and pants that just aren't jeans), I feel exhausted and a little beat up. Something within me is tired and thirsty. And so I find myself reclaiming the spiritual; seeking a calm, reflective, unhurried space in my day.

It seems most faith traditions encourage some form of discipline. Most of the time I think discipline is healthy. Right now I think we try too hard. Right now I would rather embrace what comes naturally. My husband spends an hour in prayer every morning. I feel guilty for not maintaining the same practice. Normally he finds me still in bed when he's done. But that's ok. Because I get more out of lying in bed, watching the daylight pour in through our curtains, long strips of yellow and red that we first used as the table cloth at our wedding. I don't read the Bible religiously, either. But that's ok. Because I get more out of sitting on my front porch watching the vultures clamber around in the tall trees outside. The sound of the branches snapping under their clumsy weight reaches something deep inside me. I have a spirituality that comes so naturally to me. It is simple, and completely un-disciplined. It is nothing more than myself. And anything but myself. It's beauty and wonder and peace in everything, and I am connected to it in the noticing.

It is my experience that out of chaos comes order. Out of a million random events in my life come the words "wabi-sabi". I had been contemplating on my spirituality, and happened upon words for it in this month's issue of Mother Earth News. According to the author, Griggs Lawrence, Wabi-Sabi is "a subtly spiritual philosophy that sees home as sanctuary". Juniper (2003) (I can't believe I just cited like that in a blog) says "If an object or expression can bring about, within us, a sense of serene melancholy and a spiritual longing, then that object could be said to be wabi-sabi". Griggs Lawrence continues, "everything in a home, from the breakfast table to the attic windows, presents an opportunity to see beauty, because beauty is ordinary".

Hello new understanding of my soul. I like these bursts of daylight, though I know they are as impermanent as my home or myself.

I don't keep a Wabi-Sabi home, if one can keep a home Wabi-Sabi as they keep it Kosher. My home is anything but a sanctuary to me right now. It's a mess, frankly. But inside and outside my home I encounter things that draw from me that spiritual longing Juniper mentioned. And as I transition from grad school to civilian life, or any life, I look forward to connecting with the ordinary parts of my day, taking refuge in ordinary routines like cooking and cleaning, clearing out the unnecessary, and exploring these standards of Wabi-Sabi:

HISTORY

I try to fill my home with meaning and personal history. Keith's great uncle's war chest. His grandmother's drawers. Plates, bowls, and mugs that each carry their own memory.

IMPERMANENCE

The shadow, the daylight, and consequently the day. The plant. The wall. Me, the observer. Suddenly we are all equally impermanent. And equally beautiful.

INCOMPLETENESS

I do this too often - I take pictures of the most random things. Like this dough. I was rolling out fauschnaught, and struck by the beauty. I am sure it is very un-wabi-sabi of me to try and capture the moment and make it permanent. But I like that I recognize it's beauty.

VISION

Vision is about texture and color. I love our hand-carved bed Keith designed. I love our hand-woven orange blanket from Guatemala. I love the sunlight coming through those orange window shades / wedding table cloths I mentioned earlier.

CRAFT

I am sure a lot of these examples do not count as "Wabi-Sabi". Craft is about things made by hand, moving away from factory products. This is more like reclaiming those products and personalizing them. All but two of these were trash items that I was drawn to

(and then drew on...)

SPACE

Space is about simplicity. Letting open areas be their own decoration. It's part of making the home a sanctuary. The rest of our lives are busy, and our home should be an escape. My house, however, is covered in color and clutter! But one aspect of "space" that I do notice and enjoy in my home is light, and how it creates its own beauty in a space.

SABI (or the beauty that comes with age) AND SOUL

Keith and I refer to these things as having "personality". Like Keith's grandfather's 'barn tool drawer', now our tea drawer! It wears the scars of it's history so beautifully! From the cup ring to the heart-shaped newspaper that has managed to stick through the decades. I do think that the intensity of life gets stuck on objects. They live with us and outlive us.

HOSPITALITY

Many of our friends live in the city,

so something Keith and I have tried to offer is an outside space of hospitality.